Goodbye to what was us

I used to spend time placing my completed blog into grammarly . com and making sure everything was written correctly. But now I realize that holds me back. I write and it is what is it. I don't need to worry about being judged for spelling or sentence structure because guess what, if your judging …

Long time no see……

Hi! It's been awhile..... I'm going to start writing on this blog again. It's a place I poured my heart and soul into when I was going through a painful time in my marriage. A time when I crashed head on with no seatbelt, no airbag, 80 mph, into infidelity, shock, fear, heartbreak, a little …

Here and now

It is the 2nd anniversary of d-day. Two long years of sobbing, falling apart, losing my temper, snooping, drinking, plotting revenge. Two of the most insane years of my life. But through it all, somehow I am here. I'm still standing, breathing, laughing and loving. To my girlfriends….whether it was one conversation or you were …

Making sense of the stories

So after many, many months in therapy, my therapist says I am the type of person that needs to understand and make sense of things in life. I still have so many questions around Music Man's sexual activities. Maybe someone reading this can give me insight. Question 1 - How is it that a guy …

All Men are Pigs but pigs are cuter

oink oink I remember forcing myself to keep an appointment with my hairdresser just a few weeks after discovering Music man's secret life. It was all I could do to even take a shower at that point, but somehow I managed to get out the door and into Robert's hair salon. I desperately needed someone …

Regular Days

Regular days are strange now. It's like the monotony of life is back in full force, but my brain doesn't know how to process it anymore. How can there be any monotony given all I now know? Music Man won a prestigious award today. People are all over social media honoring him. I'm feeling pretty …

I’ll never be who I knew was me again

My husband went on a business trip last week. Just for one night. I used to love when he traveled because I would make a big fat pan of brownies, watch terrible tv shows like "real housewives" and be a little more messy! That was the old me. She's gone. My psychiatrist is awesome. I …

Triggers and tears

So I am still working on learning how to deal with triggers. I am going to start a PTSD therapy called EMDR later today. I want to get to a place, where my emotions are under control and then I want to make a definitive decision on my marriage. Right now I still get very …

Two Years Later

So here we are, almost two years into discovery. This is a sore point for me because somewhere in the midst of all our trauma, Music Mans dickwad male therapist, told him that the average time it takes to get over this kind of betrayal is two years. Now, when I am triggered or get …

And Suddenly he’s dead!

It was almost a year into our recovery. A year of therapy, and exercises. A year of anger, and screaming and what a fucken year of tears. So many tears. Music Man had an amazing therapist and an equally amazing psychiatrist. His psychiatrist had been treating music man for anxiety when the sex addiction monster …