Triggers and tears

So I am still working on learning how to deal with triggers. I am going to start a PTSD therapy called EMDR later today. I want to get to a place, where my emotions are under control and then I want to make a definitive decision on my marriage. Right now I still get very confused. I still wonder if I can live with Music Man, knowing what he did. Knowing he used women. It’s very difficult.

So yesterday, my daughters friend was over. She recently graduated and started working for a non profit that helps runaways.

She was telling us a story of how her organization sponsored a tour of strip bars, brothels and massage/nail places. She talked about how the young women are brought here from overseas, how they are kept to live like slaves, eating, sleeping a little and performing sex acts. She talked about how the tour went through a high end neighborhood to illustrate that the JONS come from all economic backgrounds. She told us they are hoping to see more rich men arrested because if they can knock down that clientele, they can make an impact on reducing the business at these whorehouse/brothel/massage places.

I interjected quite a bit saying things like “Wow what scumbags these men are. So these guys are basically raping young women. These guys are buying slaves? I hope they all get caught and it ruins their lives.” All the while Music Man sitting by my side listening and nodding his head.

After she left he got defensive and was like “Ok, what are you going to do now, scream at me.”
I said “No, I just feel sorry for you and having to live with that.” Music Man just nodded his head. I slept upstairs. For the first time, no anger, no secret yelling, no insults. I just went upstairs, went to bed and cried myself to sleep.

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