Secrets revealed

More stories followed….so many stories revealing so many secrets. In between the escorts, there had been a few one night stands while traveling. Music Man says he didn’t prowl. He says the few women he bedded found him. I don’t know what to believe and I never will. It sucks. He swears he only had two one night stands and he also claims he went a couple of years in between cheats.

When we made our final move to where we now live, music man was determined to fight the demon of sex addiction. He claims he had stopped using escorts 4 years prior and had only 1 one night stand since….whatever. He lasted two years in our new city before his addiction resurfaced. In 2012, he was rear ended in a car accident. I remember his doctor telling him to get a massage to help his neck. Of course I was once again so dumb. He said he was going to a place by his work and I didn’t even think twice. According to music man that is when he got his first happy ending. He said it was a place full of women getting manicures and pedicures and the thought didn’t even occur to him to get a happy ending. He had never done that before (he said) and when the masseuse’s hands went there, he didn’t fight it. And so began his journey into the world of massage parlors, hand jobs, blow jobs and two times, even sex with massage workers ONLY twice (he claims).

Soon after the hurricane and my husbands confessions, he went to his psychiatrist who was treating him for an anxiety disorder. For the first time, music man revealed to a medial professional all his childhood secrets, all his adult stories. I remember meeting him in a parking lot before dinner after his first “real” visit with his psychiatrist. The doctor listened to my husbands life story for an hour and told music man that without a doubt he is bi polar type 2. The doctor said Music Man’s intermittent cheating proved a cycle common for bipolar hypersexuality. He prescribed Music Man lithium and a small dose of a thyroid medication as well. The thyroid medication was off label but it was a tie in with treating bi polar disorder.

When music man saw me coming to his car in the parking lot to meet for dinner following his appointment that day, he burst into tears. He was slumped over so weak and childlike. He said he doesn’t want to be mentally ill. He said he was so scared of digging into who he really was. He was scared of so many things and I felt real compassion for him.

One thought on “Secrets revealed

  1. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. It’s a really rough road, but you’ll find a lot of support here in the blogosphere. The friends I’ve made here have been life savers for me on this journey.

    Liked by 1 person

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